Going Skating (hopefully)
What is it really, that makes you not want to start something? What underlying emotion is behind that? And if you know, can you adress it or even overcome it?
There might be so many different motives and it is impossible to know them all, to write about them all in one little blog post. But I can at least describe mine and the situations they arise, afterall, this blog is not to get famous or being subsribed to, it is for me to write. So I do. And I share these thoughts.
The first situation is skating. I think riding a skateboard is very cool. Doing a bunch of tricks is peak coolnes. Yet I started very late to try. I always thought I am not cool enough. But now I own a skateboard, can ride it and have a cool skater friend to go to the skatepark with. Its everything I need. I have enough basics to ride, I have my friend and the equipment, and there are multiple skateparks around. Yet I dont go out and try to learn tricks. It is not because I am scared to fall. I mean that kinda too but I would risk it and it is certainly not the emotion that stops me from going. I think it is the embaressment of going there without one trick I can do. The embarrassment that everyone is so much better and I cant do anything on a skateboard except not fall while rolling. So I dont go. Or I would want to go at a time when its so early and I am the only one. And at 6am in the morning it is hard to put in 10h to learn to ollie or something easy like that. So I dont go.
The funny part is, obviously, that it is a stupid and wrong assumption. And I even know it. When I went to the skatepark first time with my friend, I showed a super small trick (to jump on the skateboard after you flipped it with your feet). And he said, oh then you might can do that one as well" and showed me a slightly harder variation of that while driving. Then he continued to do his own session and was not bothering about me at all. We talked and still where there together but he really did not care about me being an absolte beginner. Another time at a skatepark, couple other people there. A really cool skaterguy with his dog as well. He tried that one trick, he didnt quite manage and was so vocal about it. But yet, he really did not care about me riding around. Yet he was quite supportive and cheered on others landing something. He and my friend knew each other a little, so we hang out and skated. I did not at all get shit, nor was I weirdly eyballed for not doing tricks. I was accepted in the group. Not that I care about the group really, it is really just about the percieved competence of my skill that is in my head. And I know it is stupid and wrong. Yet I can not bring myself to overcome that. Why? What must I try? What do other people do in these cases? I dont know. And because I use the most dangerous writing app to write this, I cant stop writing and research it on reddit or something because if I stop writing everything will be deleted (what a geat app to force you to write and achieve the writing goal you want). Perhaps thats kinda the solution? I also somehow feel similar to writing. I know this blog post is not great, it is probably not being noticed by anyone. Yet I found a way to force it. I just took me so many steps, opening a blog, finding that dangerous writing app on the internet and then sit down, set the goal to 750 words and just write until its done. I will publish it and I also will find a way to insert it into the small web search results from Kagi search (or even the blog itself), so it will be out there and people will be able to read it. So I am okay with that. It is just me right now, I train. Perhaps I just need to learn one trick I can do. 5 small and super easy ones and than with that I can join in the park and learn all the others and will not worry about anything anymore. So the solution is, tomorrow morning I will go and skate.