How to disappoint yourself in 4 easy steps (guaranteed success)
Don’t you ever get sick of winning?? ME TOO! (OMG BESTIES). Any grandma ever or any other wise old person would advise you to stay humble. So I made this little tutorial on how to stop winning for once and make sure there is a some lost time in your life, something you will regret, a total waste but nothing to dramatic like poisoning your nephews with battery acid over the span of two weeks to get out of the family Christmas dinner because everyone will be at the hospital praying for their survival. Anyway, the four steps should be followed closely to maximize the outcome:
1.Consume Content
This is quite easy to do because it is mostly automated these days: watch as much meaningless content online as possible. Ideally is short form content generated from AI, but any Youtube recommendation will do. Also acceptable is a whole season of a show on Netflix that is keeping you watching but does not engage you enough that you will remember the plot (don’t worry, the show will repeat important plot points at the right moment because they know you are watching your phone while watching Netflix).
General social media consume is also acceptable, important is that the algorithm presents you the content, to algomaxx engagement.
2. Don’t leave the house
Ideally just rot, either on the couch or bed. Sure, the body will hurt at some point, but it’s just a little and you hold in the pee for too long anyway so the toilet run will elevate the pain just enough to rot some more. Being outside is just means lots of movement, engagement with others or potential new things and being alone with your thoughts for too long. That’s for pussies anyway.
3. Eat something bad
It will make you happy. You can even do that everyday! The results of that are not due to for like another 6 months before others will notice anyway. But don’t overdo it. It does not have to cause diarrhea or pain because of allergies. It does not have to be poisoned like the muffins for the nephews. Some fast-food, anything high carbs low everything else except sugar is fine. We kinda do want to starve the body, but not in total amounts of calories, just in vital nutrients and vitamins the body needs. It helps with the grogginess of not moving!
4. Don’t even look at something you are supposed to do.
There is always a tomorrow, right?? Today, we do not do anything. No guilt. No regret. No learning for next time. Just reinforcing a new habit. So whatever your initial ambitions were, ignore them. Whatever you have burdened yourself with, ignore it. It will not go away, it will be still there later. This is all about regulating your emotional response to responsibility in a way that reinforces the avoidance before the engagement with said thing. It definitely helps in the short run. Why even bother what’s in 5 years? Heck, with this economy who cares what is even in 2 months??? Just give up already.
Conclusion
Follow the steps as close as possible for as long as possible. Eventually, you will see that this can’t be how you die. After all, the nephews also survived their bed rotting in the hospital and they seem happy now. So do what you have to do then and don’t follow anything like these steps anymore.