On starting
it becomes apartent that I really do have a certain form of procrastination and its turning on the tv after I come home. After that I really do nothing, because I dont replenish or anything. I just bash my brain in with more distractions and after that I really dont have it in me to study. It also does not help that I always have the same small issues with starting to study. It seems to uncertain what and why to do, so I dont. So against that, I already have tried multiple things but I always fall of the wagon. Is it the true problem? Is there a underlying issue I am not seeing and dont adress? Is it perhaps that I am just bad at regulating my emotion and therefore tend to procrastinate instead of starting things? Starting things always will have a little burden, a little hill at the beginning that makes my emotions react negativly to it. Getting up and setting everything to do work is just a breath of annyoning, but annyoing enough that chilling on the couch with netflix is the better alternative in just that moment of a breath. And because of that, I will never move beyond that breath of the moment.
Ironicly, using the dangerous writing app from squibler.io just made me write, happy and it was just 5 minutes, a breath of a moment. How do I keep in mind, that after that breath of uncomfortable emotions, I feel so much more and longer that that inital negative emotional blink.